Before coming to FaithWorks in 2008, I was on a downhill spiral. I was barely getting by and stability was just a word I could say. I was using drugs on a regular basis and had resolved myself to the belief that I might as well figure out a way to manage… Actively- addicted.
I have four children who have been living with other people for years because of my inability to be the mother I should’ve been.
Brandi, Kayla, and DeLynda
I was literally at my wits end when I decided to try out this little ol’ thirteen –week program. “I’m smart even when I’m high.”I thought. “ This will be easy. I just need to practice doing the same thing every day for a while and then I’ll be able to manage just fine.” Those were the actual thoughts I had back then and what I know now is boy I really was at my wits’ end.
I made the commitment to complete the course. I committed to myself that I would finish it. I made continuously pathetic efforts to engage in the program due to my lifestyle at the time. I was “faking it” as I couldn’t admit that I was using drugs. That was not allowed.
One of my favorite things about FaithWorks is the REASON that drugs are against the rules: “drug-use is just not conducive to success”. That sparked interest in me.
I thought maybe this place didn’t judge.
I suited up and showed up as best I could, which was bad. But they didn’t let me go when it would’ve been justifiable to do so. I wanted to complete the course so badly but my attitude was shakey at best and it took all I had to make it a whole day.
Something that Darell Martin, the teacher said to me hit hard and has stuck ever since. He said, ” Brandi, you put the fun in dysfunctional.”
I remember thinking “This is not fun and I am really not dysfunctional.”
So I trudged on through the 13 weeks with the knowledge that if I didn’t finish this I might never finish anything; or even start anything for that matter. Graduation was bittersweet as I knew in my heart that there was no way for me to expect anything more from society than acceptance based on the fact that I was a barely functioning citizen. That was a very difficult reality for me.
Being in active addiction left me only two options: be seen as a dope-head or be seen as a person incapable of being a productive member of society. Ugh, both were bad ways to be perceived.
I believe that the priceless gift that was given to me by FaithWorks(the concept, the staff, the whole package) was real ACCEPTANCE WITH A TWIST OF REALITY. I was accepted here and loved here in spite of myself. The fact still remains that success is impossible while in the grips of addiction.
I have spent time in prison since graduating from the program. I had to reap the harvest of the foul seeds I’d planted. Little did I know though that God had used FaithWorks of Abilene to plant a seed of hope down deep inside of me. I remember journaling while in prison of how I would return to Abilene and to FaithWorks and inform Darell that I do not put the fun in dysfunctional anymore but I would be putting the fun in functional now.
Within two weeks of my release from prison, while living in a recovery house on Cypress St. I was approached by a couple of community members seeking to pray with neighbors on a Sunday afternoon. Soon we realized that we were part of the same family, the FaithWorks’ family. They didn’t ask how bad it had gotten, they were just glad to see me and wanted to visit a minute. By the end of the visit, I’d been asked to consider leading a Celebrate Recovery meeting in that neighborhood. The meeting would be held at a little church on Cypress St. called Grace Fellowship… The original location of FaithWorks of Abilene.
I mustered up enough gumption by Monday morning to make my way to FaithWorks. It seemed as though God was nudging me in that direction and meaning it. I enjoyed an exciting emotional rollercoaster ride as all the memories of my time spent in class there came back to me. Having no idea of the reception I’d get, I just walked in the door. I was welcomed with open arms and eye contact that could only be saying, ”THIS is the Brandi I knew was there those years ago that just wouldn’t come out.”
Joyce invited me into her office and I joined her. Remembering the sadness from past visits in Joyce’s office, It occurred to me that this time wasn’t sad. This time was spent sharing experiences, and realizing that the seed of hope had taken hold of me.
I was asked to consider pursuing a position as an AmericorpsVISTA member and be assigned to the FaithWorks project. VISTA is an acronym for Volunteers In Service To America!! What an opportunity I thought that would be for me to actually give back to the community that I had depleted of so much through out the years.
I started volunteering regularly at FaithWorks in February of this year to see if this type of service work would be something that sparked my interest and what I found was a need that I could fill unlike anyone else.
By participating in the FaithWorks program, I had the opportunity to see myself the way I was, not the way that I would have me to be.
By finishing the program no matter how ugly it was for me, I was able to see that I was accepted.
By remembering the lunchtimes there and the devotionals and the Bible classes too, I was able to see the importance of God and relationships in the day-to-day lives of people. I would never have stepped out of the boat of “hands out” and onto the hope of “hands up” had I not chosen to attend the FaithWorks program. It was so important that I not be left behind and they just didn’t let me go.
It really is never too late to start to become what you’ve always wanted to be. To set goals and work to achieve them is reality. No longer do I act on the “I can’t mentality” that often defines people like me. I am now an AmericorpsVISTA serving at FaithWorks of Abilene as their Volunteer Coordinator. I did agree to lead the Celebrate Recovery group at Grace Fellowship and it’s been up and running since February. And I’ve also been blessed to meet a lovely man who’ll become my husband tomorrow afternoon.
FaithWorks is WAY more than the little ol’ 13 week career development program I once dubbed it to be. I’ve found it to be a place where community is more important than comfort, relationships are more important than religion, where choices are to be made and chances are taken by all. In my experiences with FaithWorks as a student, as a volunteer, and now as a VISTA member, I can with great confidence say that seeds are being planted every day right here in Abilene, Tx on Mockingbird Lane. With God at the center and all of us doing our best, FaithWorks of Abilene has many victories to see because God will do the rest.
Lacy
Lacy's Story
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23
This is my favorite, so much so that I have it tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. Hello everyone my FaithWorks name is Liberal Lacy. I am very proud to graduate with this awesome class of people. We are class 23. The O’Hana class. No that’s not Irish, it’s Hawaiian. The meaning fits this class very well; family- no one forgotten or left behind.
Prior to the start of FaithWorks, I was an active stay-at-home mommy in recovery. I had not worked outside the home (earning a paycheck) in a few years. Although I stayed busy doing this, that and the other; I was not satisfied with my life. I am a retired nail tech and doing nails is all I’ve ever seen myself doing. Before I allowed my license to expire I learned there’s really not any money in that field for me. I have continued to do some nails on the side, here and there but really not enough to earn a living or stay busy enough. Attending church and AA/NA meetings as often as I could still did not satisfy me.
Before FaithWorks I had my family and my kids to keep me busy doing various things. I had my best friend who I was investing time in trying to bring her to recovery and love had found me which was bringing new light to my life. I did not see myself going anywhere or doing anything different than what I was. I did know exactly who I didn’t want to be and exactly what I did not want to be doing. Of all the things I had going for me, I felt I was a passenger in my own life. Cruising in the back seat, unhappy and yet I didn’t know why.
I first heard about FaithWorks from my youngest son’s MHMR case worker. She did not have much information about the program, but thought it would be a good idea to get me out of the house and give me something structured to do with my time. I held on to the phone number I was given and thought about calling for a day or two before I actually did dial that number. Not knowing what to expect, I figured what was it going hurt to just call and see?
I visited FaithWorks on Friday, June 4th. The lady on the phone said to come at noon to fill out the paper work. Boy was I surprised when I showed up, no one was to be found. So I followed the sound of laughter through the kitchen and opened a closed door to again be surprised by a dining room full of people who all looked at me crazy (that’s what I was thinking). DeLynda invited me to eat and sit down through lunch with them. That confused me; this woman was being very nice to me. At this time I had only been clean a little over 4 months. I had been white knuckling my way through sobriety.
I felt very uncomfortable being there. This class had already been going for a week. Was it possible for me to fit in here? Would I be able to catch up? So much was running through my mind at this time. I even considered not starting the class. But I went to the office and filled out all the paperwork and even saw someone I knew from my recovery world. I felt at peace to be there. I sat in on a little bit of class before I had to rush off to an appointment. The uneasy feelings of the unknown started eating away at me once again. I had internal tug -of-war going on all weekend long prior to the start of class.
I started FaithWorks on Monday, June 7th (a week late). I came into this still not knowing much about what exactly it was I had gotten myself into. On my second day of class I got bitter sweet news. My best friend, who was babysitting for me so that I could come to class until my child care kicked in, got the call from Serenity that we had been waiting on for weeks. She was to go in the very next day to the local drug and alcohol in-patient treatment facility; leaving me without a baby sitter for my two sons. In a panic and thinking maybe I shouldn’t be here I went to talk to the people in the office.
Looking for that familiar, friendly face of DeLynda- I found Joyce. Not knowing who she was, I broke down to her and confessed my dilemma. I felt God had revealed to me that I was suppose to be there; for what reason I was unsure just yet, but now- just like always- Satan was attacking me. I explained to Joyce that I wanted to be there as a student but without child care I could not attend. This stranger, knowing nothing about me, cut me a check to cover the cost of daycare for a week; on my word that I would do community service hours to pay back the debt.
That in itself was a challenge for me. I spent a couple of weeks just keeping the phone lines busy trying to locate a place that would allow me to do community service hours after my school hours. It took me several weeks to work all of those hours off. I couldn’t be more pleased to say that my fiancé joined me in completing some of the hours at a couple of different places. I even had friends offer to work the hours for me while I was in class. I have never really volunteered for anything productive before FaithWorks and doing the work gave me a great sense of fulfillment.
During this time as a student at FaithWorks I have not only gotten the pleasure of meeting new people and fellowshipping while making new friends but I have learned a lot about myself. The hardest part of this program for me was doing the life map. I contemplated quitting rather than telling my story. Instead of being shunned or stones being thrown at me; my fellow students and the staff embraced me with open arms. For the first time since my days of doping I felt a sense of true belonging. Through the family at FaithWorks; I have learned that I am a beautiful person, a strong person and an individual who is accepted for who I am- just the way I am. I’ve been supported through my ups and downs, I’ve learned what my skills and abilities are, my likes and dislikes and the positive has been brought back out of me. With the help of this program I have identified who I am and where I want to go with the rest of my life’s journey. I still live my life one day at a time and take things day by day but now I have a sense of direction.
Before starting here, I was working my life minute by minute. I could not even see myself a month in the future. I had no goals set other than taking care of my two kids and husband to be. This is a faith based program and faith does work! God has answered so many prayers in this short time. Miracles have happened in these past few months. It takes my breath away to think of all the good that has come from this. Satan has tried to attack and destroy but God prevailed and came through with quickness.
This whole class has cried together, we have laughed together and we have prayed together. I turned 31 on June 16th and my FaithWorks family celebrated with me. On July 19th I celebrated 6 months clean and my FaithWorks family again was there to cheer with me. We have all had some ups and downs through this time together and we have all stuck together like a real family. None of us would be family today if we had met one another on the street. We are an exceptional class. The bonds that have been made here will not soon be forgotten. I’m a strong believer in all things happen for a reason. Each one of us is just a piece to the puzzle. We all need each other to be complete.
This program has helped me in tremendous ways. I have learned a lot of really great, useful information that I can apply to my life outside of FaithWorks. I now have a career in mind that I am truly interested in and very excited about pursuing. I have made the decision to go back to college and get my Associates degree in Chemical Dependency Counseling. I have gained so much by completing this 13 week program. I feel truly blessed for getting this opportunity. Week 14 is the rest of our lives and I welcome the challenges that lie up ahead.
I have a lot of people to thank for helping me through this time. I have had a lot of support and it has not been easy to stick this out. I am notoriously known for not following through. I can count on one hand how many times in my life that I have actually completed something of importance. My plan for after graduation has been altered a bit; however I look forward to my future now. I will leave this place with the courage to go on and become a successful individual and be productive in society. My prayer is that come January 2011 I will be able to start back to Cisco College and get my basics complete; plus gain some education in Criminal Justice which would also be of great help to me in the LCDC field. After Cisco I intend to go to TSTC to gain my license in Chemical Dependency Counseling.
It has been several years since I have had this much passion driving me towards being successful. I have a realistic dream now with goals that can be accomplished. I’m no longer a functioning addict; rather I am more like the Claritin commercial “I can see clear now”. I have been lost in a fog for years, hiding behind an addiction to fulfill my emptiness. I had lost myself somewhere along the dope path. However, through my sobriety and the tremendous help I have received at FaithWorks I have found the real me once again.
I will no longer coast through life in neutral. I will hold on to my mustard seed of faith. I am leaving the old me behind. I am saying goodbye to that dysfunctional/misunderstood girl I once claimed to be. Instead I am saying hello to a bright new future thanks to the FaithWorks program and all the special people involved. My ultimate goal is to be the person my family, friends and children can be proud of.
Linda's Story
My name is Linda. I am a graduate of the 9th class of FaithWorks in the fall of 2005. First I want to thank God for everything that He has done and the things He is going to do in my life. Before coming to FaithWorks I was a baby in Christ and was lost on what my purpose was for serving Him. I had only been living in Abilene for a month. I did not know anybody or know anything about Abilene. I had just moved from Minnesota where I lived for 15 years and was working at a casino for about 9 years when I became a Christian. Working at a casino did not make me happy. It was like my purse was full but my heart was empty. I was so empty inside that I knew I needed a change in my life. I decided that the casino life was not what I wanted for my future. So one day I quit my job and packed my stuff and was on the road to Abilene. When I came to Abilene I was living with my mother’s friend and she helped me get a job. Well the job was working at another casino. So I said ok since that was the only job experience that I knew. As I was working there I was like “this is not what I want for my life”. I left one casino job to work at another one. I was confused and did not know where my life was going. I thought that I made a mistake leaving Minnesota. Little did I know the Lord had everything worked out for me? I would pray every night for the Lord to help show me the direction that He wanted me to go in. I did not know much about the Lord since I had just recently given my life to Him. But every night at work I would read the newspaper so that I was able to get to know Abilene a little better. Well one night on September 14, 2005 I was reading this article about FaithWorks. I was like “this is it !”. This is what I wanted to do, try this program. I called the program and talked to some wonderful people. They said the program would help me find my strengths and weakness in the working field, which would give me ideas about what I wanted to do with my life. It sounded like something I wanted to try. So I quit the casino job and started attending the 13 week program which began on Sept.19, 2005. This program helped me discover who I was, that I am a child of God and helped me build up my confidence. I was depressed, lost, and empty inside; I had low self esteem and I built walls up all around me from everything I had gone through in my life. I didn’t know how God was going to use me with all the baggage I had build up in side of me. Nearly all my life growing up I had people tell me that I would not succeed. I had negative words pour into my heart. Then FaithWorks helped me learn and see that I’m perfect in Him and it gave me a chance of hope. It was a family that I never had. The people at FaithWorks have so much love, and are compassionate, with caring hearts and they help you to reach your goals. They believe in you, and encourage you and they go the extra mile for you. FaithWorks helped me find the skills that God had given me and showed me how to use them for my future. I did not know what I wanted for my life. It helped me discover what my interest was and help me get in the right direction. The direction was leading me back to school. At first I was like “I can’t go back to school”, I had quit in the 9th grade, my educational level was very low. I had difficulty reading and understanding what I read. So school was not a desire that I had within me. If someone would have told me that I was going back to school I would have laughed at them. I did not like school and I did not want to go back to school. But I did have a GED so that was something. So I prayed a lot for God to show me if this is what he wants, and if it is, to give me the desire for it. After a lot of prayer I said ok, “What do I need to do to get me started back to school?”. So they helped me fill out a FAFSA and gave me the confidence and support that I needed to go back to school. If it wasn’t for the help of this FaithWorks program, I would not have gone back to school. And I would not have known the potential that I have within me to succeed and the accomplishments that I have done since I completed this program. After FaithWorks I attended Cisco College where I did receive an Associate Degree in Arts. I was able to maintain a 3.96 GPA. Now I am currently in school again where I am working to receive an Associate Degree in Applied Science in Respiratory Therapy.
When I attended FaithWorks at first I was like “What did I get myself into? “ because they were hitting areas in my life that I did not want anybody to open. I had doors closed for a reason. But looking back now, I know that the Lord placed me in the right direction in wanting me to go to this program. Sometimes we don’t understand at that moment why God has us where He wants us at. As the scripture say in Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
If there is anyone who is questioning the success of the Faithworks program, the success of its students, I am an example of a person who was down and out. I didn’t know my purpose in life. I had no hope for tomorrow, but FaithWorks changed my life and my thinking. They gave me hope and the desire to go to college and get a degree and to make something of my life. I will never forget the helping hands, tender hearts, and the loving, caring people here at FaithWorks. I would like to say again that I would have not gone back to school if it wasn’t for the help of FaithWorks. Now I am reaching my goal of being a Respiratory Therapist and it all started on Sept.19, 2005 when I attended FaithWorks. And even still to this day 5 years later, when I ‘m in need of help. Joyce is still there ready to help me in any way that she can. There have been various times that she has dropped what she was doing in order to help me with a problem that I may be experiencing. She always tries her best to help in any way possible. I will always know that she will never turn her back on me. For as long as I have known Joyce she has continued to encourage me as well as many others. She has never made me feel like she is too busy to give me a moment of her time. She is an earthly example that represents God’s love for me.
